forget textbooks. read romcoms*
sure, they'll kiss. but first they're gonna talk soooo much about lizards
Those who read romance will have heard a common theme these days: It read like fanfic.
This is either the most scathing insult, or the highest praise. Sometimes it’s literal: increasingly, fanfic is getting picked up, repackaged and sold as original fiction—or maybe this book wasn’t a fanfic, but you know you’re supposed to be thinking about Adam Driver while you read it.
Fanfic and romance tropes have entered the common parlance to the point where the average consumer is probably vaguely aware of them: only one bed! grump/sunshine. fake dating! AU: flower shop. Even omegaverse has crawled out of the primordial ooze of the Teen Wolf fandom and into Book of the Month.
But lately I’m starting to see another aspect of fanfic bleed into my romcoms: absurdly specific jobs.
My favorite type of fanfic is one that does not self-insert in terms of character, but in terms of knowledge. I don’t mean Hallmark-style, he’s a carpenter/baker/dog walker/handyman. I’m talking about 50k fics where Dana Scully is a childhood speech pathologist. Harry Potter is trying to make it as a professional butler. Jon Snow is a GIS analyst. The authors were told to write what they know and what they know is topographic mapping systems and I am eating it with a spoon.
There is something so scintillating about watching two characters fall in love with each other while simultaneously falling in love with weirdly niche knowledge. All I want is 300,000 words where Bella Swan works at a single stream recycling plant and has a lot of thoughts about why dual stream is better, and how consumer convenience shouldn’t be more important than the risks of aspiration recycling and contamination.1 Is that too much to ask?
Last month I read Birding With Benefits by Sarah T. Dubb. It’s a very cute book about a post-divorce 40-something who ends up accidentally joining forces with a master bird watcher for a bird count competition. The main character knows nothing about birds. The love interest is trying to launch a birding business. There is a bird trivia night. You see where this is going.
It scratched an itch that I didn’t know I had. I found myself yearning for my fanfic days. You know there’s a fic out there where Katniss Everdeen is a self-taught ornithologist, and each chapter is just jammed with bird facts which she delivers to that hot lumberjack lady/Jena Malone with increasing levels of rage.
I kicked my fic habit a few years back (and you can’t track them on Storygraph anyway) so I am left waiting for traditional publishing to catch up and give the people what they want. But it’s coming. Oh, lord, it’s coming.
Because I am very into nature right now (Did you know I’m a naturalist-in-training? Did you know I am #eco?), I want niche knowledge romcoms about the natural world. Don’t recommend me actual, peer-reviewed nonfiction. I want my facts churned through someone’s feral little brain and shit out in bite-sized banter.
If you also are #eco and want to read that Bella Swan fanfic, well, get in line. But until then, here’s some books I’ve read that might fill the void.
Birding With Benefits by Sarah T. Dubb
A recent divorcee goes on a “year of yes” and finds herself immersed in the world of competitive bird watching. I learned a decent amount about the art of bird watching—an activity I like in theory but hate in practice—and also enjoyed the vivid descriptions of Arizona bugs. Bonus points for how it accurately showed that all high school teachers are having wild, disgusting lives outside the classroom.
The Great Orchid Heist by Eleanor Vendrell
Were you sad that Ocean’s 8 did not have any kiss scenes? Me too. This book focuses on a heist that takes place at a botanical garden. The mark? A rare, blooming orchid. The catch? Lily, the grumpy/hot head gardener. I know, stop drooling. In addition to being a delightfully hijinxy, sapphic flower heist with punchy writing and fun banter, this book actually shares some fun facts about orchids, a plant I notoriously kill. Did you know orchids are perfectly symmetrical? I didn’t, but now I know that I’m killing them evenly.
*This book is currently only available in the U.K., but I highly encourage you to place an order through Waterstones or Blackwells!*
The Odds of Getting Even by Amanda Sellet
The thing I love about Amanda Sellet books is that they’re billed as “madcap” and they absolutely are. She likes to pull inspiration from classic movies2 which means her plots are insane and sometimes defy reality, but always make you smile. The Odds of Getting Even is no different. A resort employee runs into an awkward (and naked) herpetologist, and they hit it off. Until he ghosts her. Like any other sane woman, she decides to hatch an elaborate revenge plot that involves light stalking, identity fraud and South Dakota.
Charlie, the herpetologist, literally never lets you forget he’s a herpetologist. All he does is talk about snakes. It’s fantastic. Pair that with the insane plot, the beautiful descriptions of South Dakota, and a quick read, and it’s a winner.
*Disclaimer: I read an ARC of this book, which releases on July 15!*
Runaway Duchess and A Shore Thing by Joanna Lowell
Here’s the thing about Joanna Lowell. Joanna Lowell writes Victorian romances with bad covers, and I would defend her with my life.
I love a good historical romance, but we can all agree that they often trend to heaving bosoms and contrived conflict. Not Joanna Lowell. Joanna Lowell gives you bosoms that are heaving because of social inequities, and spoon feeds you a history lesson while making you laugh.
Both of these books are in Lowell’s “Duke Undone” series3 but I’m only including these two because of the plant plots.
Runaway Duchess is a mistaken identity book. A spoiled socialite on the brink of a forced marriage is mistaken for a world-famous botanist, and decides to go with it. Soon, she finds herself in the far reaches of Cornwall, pretending she knows things about moss. The Cornwall descriptions are fantastic, as are all the discussions of flora and fauna. The love interest, Neal, is a professional botanist/plant stealer who gets sent around the world to collect different species and bring them back to England. #JustImperialistThings. Theft aside, Neal is a treasure trove of historical and plant facts, and I had a blast.
I think Joanna wrote A Shore Thing because she still had so much plant knowledge she didn’t know what to do with. Remember the world-famous botanist whose identity gets stolen in the previous book? Well, she’s the main character in this one, and she’s gotten dragged into a bet over whether women can cycle. This book has all the fun facts and appeal of The Runaway Duchess (botanists! Deep discussions of algae!) but it also has a transmasc love interest and a very intense cycling subplot. I know cycling is not nature-themed, but it takes place in nature, and I did learn something; mostly, that cycling bros have not changed in 100 years. This book is for the gays and theys and everyone who has an enby friend named Fern.
*In a time where the Department of Education is literally being dismantled, I need to ruin this joke by making it clear that I am very pro-textbook, and you should be too.
As such, it’s time for your….
Jobs for the weekend:
Contact your representatives. Find your representative and then blow up their phone and email. List every item that is concerning you. Ask them specifically how they plan to combat Trump’s plans to dismantle the Department of Education, endanger trans children, eliminate public service positions that protect public health and natural conservation, and generally ruin the world.
Need a script? 5Calls will help you identify who to call and provide you with some talking points to get you started.
Plan for your upcoming elections. Change happens beyond just voting for president. Representatives, state judges, governors and legislators have just as much—if not more—power to turn the tide. See if your state has any elections or primaries coming up, and learn about the candidates. Then get real annoying to your friends.
Turn off your lights. We can’t dismantle the presidency, but we can do our part to protect nature. The easiest way? Managing light pollution. Lights cause bird deaths during migration, disrupt nocturnal pollinators, unsettle biological cycles and kill frogs. Do you want to kill frogs? No! So this weekend, check out your outdoor lighting and see if it’s following the 5 principles of responsible lighting.
Don’t have outdoor lighting? Good. Now go visit your mom and swap out her floodlights for low-level amber bulbs.
Graphic by Dark-Sky International.
These are not my opinions. They are Bella Swan’s.
Her previous book, Hate to Fake It To You, is an influencer-inspired retelling of my personal favorite movie, Bringing Up Baby. (Click that link: it’s the full movie!)
The flagship book of the series, The Duke Undone, isn’t my favorite, admittedly, but I do recommend Artfully Yours, which has a lot of fun details about art fraud. She also has a sapphic archaeology/treasure hunt book coming out this summer. I haven’t been able to get my grubby little hands on it yet, but I’m sure I’ll love it. Joanna, if you’re reading this, send it to me.